I'm gonna teach my crotch to do math!

I was at work, sitting on break, flipping through a tabloid magazine to keep myself entertained. I can usually make it through an entire magazine in 15 minutes to get all that I want out of it on one break. I generally skip through the ads, but one in particular caught my attention a short while back. I was amazed that someone actually took the time to advertise that they were selling these. What was it? Wait for it...

"Designer" feminine products.

I would say that I saw it wrong, that no one would actually invent this, but someone did. Pads with patterns on them, and tampons in brightly colored applicators. Really? I really wish I could the inventor what on earth was going on in his or head (but I am assuming probably his) head when they came up with these.

"Anyone have an ideas for a new product?"
"I'd imagine that special time of the month would be so much more fun and exciting if a lady could bleed on a picture of flowers instead of a plain old, boring, no-fun pad."
"That's a great idea. Let's do it!"

Do these people seriously think someone's crotch is going to get so bored that they want to look at a pretty picture? Nethers don't have eyeballs, folks. I wonder if the dude that invented this is related to the genius that invented bras with patterns on the insides of the cups. If my chest or privates are that bored, maybe they should print the insides of bras and feminine products with Shakespeare or Calculus so at least those areas can learn something if they are that bored.

Meanwhile, the smarty that invented these is probably laughing all the way to the bank, while I am working retail, touching used toilets seats, dead fish, and sweaty worn clothes at the returns desk. 

-duckyone

This is cool!

I don't really have anything funny or exciting to post. I just thought this was a cool video- beer being filled up through the bottom of cups! People say there's a magnet thingy in the bottom to make it work. I don't care how it works. I just think it's cool.



I don't even drink beer and that's making me thirsty! I wish they had those when I worked in restaurants, it would have made my work day slightly more entertaining. What do you think of this machine?

I hope you all had wonderful holidays. I had a nice, relaxing Christmas, and a not-so-relaxing day after Christmas taking back 100s of returns at work. (I'm not exaggerating either, I easily took back over 200 returns on my own during my shift, and there were several other people working the returns counter too. We easily took back over 1000 returns that day, and that's a lot considering I live in a relatively tiny town.) Tell me how your holidays went!

-duckyone.

Small real life update.

Here's my short update of goings on in real life.

Me: I'm good, same old same old really. I've gone to working only 2 days a week :( because of my husband's work schedule at his new job. But it does leave me a lot of time with my kiddo, and too much time to watch tv, blog, and spend time on my iPod! I've taken a recent interest in Twitter parties- they are lots of fun and I've even won a few prizes! I've also been trying to make a little money for Christmas- I couldn't afford Christmas presents for my family last year (except for my husband and kiddo) and I would like to change that this year, because I love to give gifts to my family!

Husband: I don't think I mentioned here that he was fired from his job at the beginning of August. We were pretty ticked at the time. We moved from WY to NE just for that job and he was the store manager. He was demoted with no decent reason right after our daughter was born (talk about adding stress!) demoted again a few months after that, and fired in August. They never did give him a good reason, and when he called the company's main office they wouldn't talk to him; it was always just "She's not in today- call back tomorrow." Ugh.

Anyhow, they did us a favor. My husband got a better job that he really loves, and!!! it lets him work full time from home! Money is a little tight since he was out of a job for over a month, but we are barely scraping buy. He is a lot happier, we see him a lot more (which isn't always a good thing, hahaha), and he's even lost 10 pounds all while eating more, just because he isn't eating junk food all the time and he isn't as stressed out. A good deal, no? :)

Curly Girly: She is doing very well and being completely a 2 year old. She climbs and talks and plays and throws tantrums, just like a normal toddler. She watches too much Sesame Street, which annoys me, but it has taught her all of her alphabet letters, and her numbers from 0-9! I've been trying to teach her to count (she can count to 3 sometimes) and that letters make sounds and words, but I'm still just amazed that she knows so much. Baby and toddler brains are just amazing!

She has also had more adventures than I have ever had! She went to 2 birthday parties this month, and at one of them, she got to ride on an ATV, which she loved! She also got her nails painted for the first time at a party. I had to work during both parties so her daddy took her and I missed out on all the cuteness. :( But at least she's been having a good time and has some cute, well-behaved little friends to play with.

Other family news: My mom has been sick, so good thoughts and prayers are always welcome! It is a brain tumor which is not life threatening, but it's still not supposed to be there and doesn't make her feel her best. I am hoping her doctor figures out the best course of treatment soon! :) Get better soon, mom!

Non-family news: My friend Millie finally got out of the nursing home! Unfortunately that means I can't visit her because she lives too far away for me to walk. However, her son brings her in to shop where I work sometimes so I still get to check up on her. :) She looks immensely better since she's out of the nursing home. Her face has better color, her hair looks nicer, and she seems much happier. She also says that the food is better at home too. :) I am so glad she's out of that place. I miss visiting her but I am glad that she's back in her house and feeling better. She has to have someone in her house 24-7 so they are looking into home care people and will hopefully find someone soon. :)


So that's all for now! :) Sorry this wasn't as short as intended!
-duckyone.

Turkey Baster.

Well, since people are nice and coming in here for the blog hop (see last post), I thought I would give you all a little entertainment. I heard a little too much about someone's *ahem* romantic life, so I decided to let them know I didn't want to hear about it by making them uncomfortable. (It worked, by the way). So enjoy, it's less than a minute long (and not too crude but don't let your little kiddos watch!)



Hope I didn't scare you away! Happy almost Friday, everyone!
-duckyone

Tuna troubles!

This is something that happened to me a few years ago at work (I take back returns). Dude thought his tuna could have been poisoned because there was a possibility that it might be made in China. *headdesk* Enjoy.



Isn't that cool? I made a little video of it! It was super easy too. Tell me if you liked it and if I should make more little videos of my work adventures. :)
-duckyone

Clouds of DOOM!

Three times in the last two weeks, I have managed to end up walking through the most heinous fart clouds. Now I admit, the first time I probably deserved it. I saw a poster in the clothing section and went to put it away, which caused me to lean over to about hiney level to do so. But the other times, I was standing at my full 5'6", too high to be crack level with anyone's stinky wind.

The second time was especially awful- it smelled like someone may have had a bonus come out with it. The third time was tonight, and this time was a coworker and not a customer. I told my husband, he seemed equal parts grossed out and amused. But then, when giving Curly Girly a bath, he walked out of the room to avoid stinking us out, then quickly back in and shut the door. All that did was trap the stench in. Boys are icky.

I feel like I have a Fart Ninja following me around. What did I do to deserve this? Do any of you get visits from a Fart Ninja, Fart Bandit, or Fart Fairy? I wish the Fart Fairy was more like the Tooth Fairy, so I could collect quarters for passing gas. But no, all the Fart Fairy does is delivers a stinky surprise.

I really ought to put on too much perfume so I can't smell anything else but myself.
-duckyone.

Give me McNuggets!

 Ok, here's another video for you all to enjoy. Scenario: Lady is drunk. Lady wants McNuggets. McDonald's in making breakfast and doesn't have McNuggets. Drunk lady almost turns into The Incredible Hulk.




Boy am I glad that this never happened to me in my fast food days! I'm also glad that this doesn't happen to me at my current job. I have been yelled at (with some colorful language thrown in for good measure), I have been insulted, and I have seen objects thrown, but I have never been physically threatened. Let's hope it stays that way!
-duckyone.

Allergic!

Ok, so my sister (1 of my whole 3 followers, whee) knows this already, but my other 2 probably don't, and I feel like talking about it anyway, so here goes. I like corn. Corn hates me. Stupid corn.

I suppose I'm not technically allergic to corn, but only because I haven't gotten officially testing. But corn is like the Joker to my Batman. It makes me sick and whiny and unpleasant to be around. It makes my stomach angry. Soaps and shampoos can make my skin come off in chunks. And when they cut down the corn field near my house, I get a little wheezy. Basically, not fun.

I was on some medication over the winter. It made me sick, but I needed it at the time, and I thought the medication just didn't agree with me. I was sick to my stomach every single day for 6 months, and I dropped down to almost 100 lbs. Then one day, I got the genius idea to see if there was corn in it. Surprise! Corn! I found a super good list of hidden corn ingredients (fancy chemical names and whatnot), and took it to my doctor. THAT was drama. The doctor kept switching my medications (at the time not knowing what the problem was), and upon discovering the problem, just told me either I could switch to a super expensive (but still problematic) med, or go back to a cheap one I knew I was already allergic to. In one phone conversation, I had the rudest nurse ever, who was like, "WHAT do you want us to do?" When I told her I just wanted to feel better, told me to try to get a prescription for a powerful anti-nausea medication that they give to people going through chemotherapy or extreme morning sickness. Chances are, I'd be allergic to that too.

I don't have a problem with the actual medications, it's the fillers and shells of the pills. I can't even take multivitamins without having issues. Even IV solution makes me queasy. I actually have a coworker with the same allergy, and she said she can't even take birth control, which is good for me to know. I haven't taken it, but I guess I won't, since I'm skinny and constant stomachaches don't help that!

Anyway, I quit the medications after my doctors told me they would just keep putting me on stuff I was allergic to. I don't recommend going cold turkey, but I was miserable, and they had me taking half pills of the lowest dose, trying to help me while minimizing the reactions, but since the reaction was from the actual pill, that didn't work.  I am feeling much better now, but I am wondering if all those medications caused some sort of long term or permanent damage? I wonder if any of you out in Internet-land know the answer to that. I am still getting stomachaches and the feeling of cold acid, especially in the mornings, which makes for unpleasant days at work. Today, I could barely eat at work, my stomach was bothering me, I kept getting shivers, and I was shaking like a chihuahua. And before you ask, because everyone does- no, I'm not pregnant. Yes, I'm sure I'm not pregnant. And this may be some sort of revenge on me for not getting morning sickness when I was pregnant. Ha!

So yeah, that's my little allergy story. I try to manage it, but grocery shopping is lame (seriously, corn is in so many things), and corn allergies aren't widely recognized yet, so it's hard to get doctors to listen about it. I feel like it will get better for me in time though. :) I am switching to nights at work (my husband got a job, yay!), and I think that will help me feel better. Plus, having a boss with the same allergy is super helpful since she is so understanding. I am determined to feel normal and human again!

-duckyone

Bowels

Old people like to talk about their bowels. I am not sure why this is. I had an elderly lady talking to me about her bowel problems today. She then asked if I was coming home with her and looked very disappointed when I said I was working and couldn't leave. She's not the most "with it" but that doesn't explain why she went into full detail about her poo problems.

I'd like to say that this is an isolated instance, but this isn't the first old lady to tell me about their bodily functions of the hiney area. And I'm pretty sure it won't be the last.

-duckyone.

Millie

I have a friend named Millie. She is a little old lady. An awesome little old lady. She is 77 years young. She is almost completely blind but still cooks her own meals, lives by herself at home, and walks around her kitchen island to get exercise. She is thin but concerned about letting herself go. She always wears matching outfits, and must have had them a long time if she knows what to put together without seeing them. She watches (well, listens to, anyway) Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights while eating a Banquet tv dinner. She tells stories of her dad who was a music teacher, her husband, her four children, and growing up in Nebraska.

Now, I don't go actively looking for little old ladies as friends. Millie and I just happened to find each other at my work. She needed help getting around the store to buy things, and I like to walk around. I think I was pregnant with Curly Girly the first time I helped her, and at that point walking around really helped me out since I was swelling all up. She walked around the store and I held onto the cart, guiding her around and reading item labels and prices for her. When it came time for her to pay, she had her money all set up where she could find it, and she trusted me with her wallet and checkbook.

I last helped Millie around in June. Her Wednesday visits were habit to me. The other workers "saved" Millie for me, and even if I was on break, she would wait for me to come back. I went on vacation the last week of June, and when I came back, she didn't come in. "Next week," I thought to myself, and worried to myself even though Millie was fairly healthy and active. What if she decided she liked another store better? What if she was broke and needed help (I knew she had hardly any money)? What if she was sick? I waited Wednesday after Wednesday. No Millie. I looked up her phone number and tried to call her. The number had gotten disconnected. At this point I was really starting to freak out.

I went in on Saturday on my day off to pick up some milk and bread. And there I saw her! Millie was there, in a wheelchair, with her daughter in law, doing some quick shopping. I asked her what had happened and she seemed pretty upset. She had some illness that seemed fairly minor to her (her daughter in law seemed to mention it was a little more serious), and got put in the hospital. From there, she got sent to a nursing home. "My kids put me in there!" she said sadly. I found out she was staying fairly close to where I live and I said I could visit her if she didn't mind seeing Curly Girly too, which of course she didn't. Today, I loaded up Curly Girly in the stroller and walked over to see her.

I found Millie in the dining room (tried to get there early but I fail, oops), sitting with a couple friends but looking rather angry. I said "Hi, Millie!" and she sort of snapped at me until she realized who it was. And when she found out Curly Girly was there too, she brightened up. She was really upset to be there, and asked how the weather was, and if we had walked over. She asked how I was, what new things Curly Girly was doing, and how my husband was, and if he had found a job yet. She told me she was doing her therapy every day, trying her best to meet all the requirements to go home. She says she needs to get out in a month or she will lose her house. I don't know the specifics of why she is there or whether or not she will be getting out soon. I stayed there maybe a half hour talking to her, until the wee one got antsy and wanted to leave. We gave her a picture that Curly Girly colored to brighten up her room- I figured even if she can't see it, she would appreciate it, and Curly Girly cutely said, "Byebye! See ya!" and waved.

As we left, I was stopped a few times by little old ladies oohing and aahing over Curly Girly and her hair, and she would wave and say "Byebye!" as we walked away. I felt sad leaving Millie all bummed out, but Cury Girly seemed to brighten the day for a lot of people.

So why am I telling you this long story? Because I wanted to tell you that it doesn't take much to help someone out or make their day a little better. I didn't set out to make friends with little old people. Nursing homes sort of give me the willies a little bit. But I found an unexpected friend, and it only takes a little effort to cheer her up.

My own grandparents (dad's parents) were in nursing homes for many years, but I didn't get out to visit them often. I visited my Grandpa a few times in there before he passed away, but it made me so sad to think of him in there because I knew how much he hated it, and I didn't make it in there often to see him. The last time I saw him was on his birthday, 4 months before he died. We ate little ice cream cups and the nurses went on about his pretty blue eyes and great personality. By the time my grandmother was full time in a nursing home (from assisted living), I had moved 2000 miles away and couldn't readily go visit her. The last time I saw her was when I went to Massachusetts last June to see family. Curly Girly was just wee and non-curly at the time, and no one had met her yet so we were rushing around trying to see everyone we could in just a week. We made the trip to New Hampshire to see my Grandma, and boy am I glad I did. Of course, I didn't know it at the time, but that would be the last time I would see my Grandma.  She seemed in good health, but soon after I went home, she took a turn for the worse and she died 2 months later. Curly Girly had a good time visiting her Great Grandma- she was fascinated with the tennis balls on her walker, and we got a picture of the three of us, which turned out really nice and I still like to look at it. I'm not sure if things would have gone differently if I had known it was our last visit with her; I am just glad that we had a good time and I have good memories of that visit.

Take time to visit your loved ones, young and old, sick or healthy, because you never know when the last time you will see someone will be. Make friends with someone new and unexpected, because you never know when someone really cool will cross your path. And be nice to people, because you never know when you might make a difference or make someone's life a little easier or happier.

-duckyone

I like how I'm a mind reader.

So I got called in to work tonight since another unnamed individual likes to turn their two days off into three fairly regularly. Since my husband is currently jobless and we need the money, I am more than willing to come in and help out. Although I am still convinced that I should just have money given to me on account of I am awesome, but I digress. :)

Of course when I get to work, they steal back the cashier they had running the returns desk and I was all alone. And of course when I am alone, it is the busiest Tuesday known to man, at least by Nebraska standards. I had a nice long line, and things were moving smoothly enough that by the time management decided I needed help, my boss only helped one customer before I got the line down. It was busy enough that I couldn't get to the phone right away or even pick up after myself right away. 

A dude from another department came up there, which is normal because they drop stuff off for customers to buy or take their returns. I notice after a minute that he is standing behind me. He's not saying a word, making any sort of motion, or doing much of anything, save breathing. I finish up with a customer, turn around to look at him and generally acknowledge his presence, and then turn forward again and call for the next customer. All of a sudden, the dude goes, "I hate customer service workers so much!" and walks away.

So here I am, looking all like ???? and I say to him as he is walking away, "What do you need?" I'm not sure what he needed because his grumblings weren't loud enough as he kept walking away. I still don't know what he wanted. I may have a college degree but I am not psychic! Dude, next time you want something, try saying hi or telling me what you want instead of hovering behind me and then storming away and being rude. Seriously.

-duckyone (who thinks tomorrow will be better!)

What should I do when I grow up?

So my husband goes into work today, and they give him a choice- take an over $2 an hour pay cut (plus losing the mandatory overtime, so instead of 48 hours he won't even be guaranteed 40), or get fired. Not sure what we will do yet but needless to say, I will most likely be going back to full time in the near future. But just because I am odd, here is my list of possible different jobs to try out.

1. Land pirate- I'm in Nebraska, meaning I cannot go sailing the seven seas in search of dubloons and treasure and whatnot. So I'm thinking a ship on wheels is more my style, looting and pillaging and shaking down old ladies for their prune juice money and extra peppermints. Yarrr! Then, once I'm established and my treasure chest be full o' booty, I will start merchandising. Peanut Butter Pirate Puffs cereal,  anyone? How about a line of juices called Grog (and Grog Light for the nutrition conscious?) Also lime pies. We don't want anyone getting scurvy.

2. Giant ugly foot model- Have you ever seen the episode of King of the Hill where Peggy Hill becomes a foot model? She thinks it is to make big footed people feel beautiful but it turns out to be a foot fetish website? Yeah. I may not have size 16 1/2 feet, but my size 11s are plenty big enough to be laughed at.

3. Start a YouTube channel of videos of Nebraska- 5 minutes of just staring into a corn field and watching corn grow? I'm allllll over that. It could be all about corn! Watching corn, planting corn, cooking corn, eating corn...Oh wait, I'm allergic to corn. That may not be such a good plan. Nothing like wheezing, peeling skin, and terrible stomachaches to make a good day stinky (and literally stinky- the stomach thing means some not-so-pleasant gas).

Anyone have any good ideas for what we should do about the job situation? Serious or silly. I sure could use a laugh tonight!
-duckyone.

Why I work.

A lady went to do a return today, and she had two young boys in the cart with her...

Boy: I have a dime!
Me: That's cool! I don't have any dimes. *holds out empty hand*
Boy: That's because you're poor.
Me: That's right, I'm poor. That's why I have to work.

I wonder if their mom was embarrassed. I was quite amused. And that, folks, is why I have to work.
-duckyone

She says the funniest things!

Curly Girly is learning to talk, and just in the past few months really started to say a lot of different words. Just when I think something she says is totally cute (like "Ewww, gross!" when she takes off her diapers), she manages to top it with something cuter a few days later. Babies and toddlers amaze me because they are constantly learning new things. When they learn something you didn't teach them, it's fascinating.

Anyhow, I got a credit card offer in the mail the other day. I tear them to little bitty bits before I throw them away, but I pull the fake cards out and give them to Curly Girly to play with, because lately she is entertained by cards. (Maybe because she likes to play with Daddy's wallet?) So I hand her the card and she says all excitedly, " 's money??!"

Now I KNOW I didn't teach her that. I don't even have a credit card. Either she watches too much tv, or spends too much time listening to other people at my work. Perhaps both. It's cute at any rate. It also reminds me that it's not too far in the future that I will have to teach her about money and using it responsibly. She's growing up so fast!

-duckyone.

Work cracks me up!

I know I've been talking a lot about work when it's my days off, but seriously, that place cracks me up! I take back returns, which, for the most part, is the easiest and funniest job in the store. A lot of people I work with say they would never want my job because that's where the angry customers go. They look at me horrified when I tell them my job is easy. I tell them that maybe 1% of my customers are angry, but they seem suspicious.

Have you ever seen someone flip out because we won't return their junky old item because it's over a year past their 90 day return period? Yeah, I have. It's hilarious. They tell me how it's my fault for selling them low quality merchandise, like I'm the one in the factory that put it together or something. They complain that they didn't know anything about the return policy, even though it's posted in big letters on the wall behind my register, and for some items that are exceptions to the 90 day rule, it is posted in the department by the items, and on their receipt. "You actually expect people to read the receipt?" Can you believe people actually ask me that? And yes, I do expect that people read the receipt, and yes, other people do. I know because people come to me when they get overcharged 5 cents on their grapes or something.

Someone yelling at me because they don't understand the concept of 90 days is amusing to me. If they are particularly unruly, I just call up my boss. This is not because I want someone to give in to them. This is not because I feel intimidated or like crying. It is because they won't listen to me, and because I am usually trying not to laugh in front of them.

The best part of people flipping out about return policies? We take back darn near everything within reason. You sat on your toilet seat and it cracked under you a week after you bought it? Bring it back. You bought a goldfish and it died after 2 months? Stick it in a plastic baggy and bring it on in. You bought underwear, and when you tried it on, it was 3 sizes too small and fit like a thong when it shouldn't have? Come get your refund. You have meat that you bought a few days ago, and when you went to use it, it smelled so bad that Oscar the Grouch would vomit? Take that stenchy mess back into the store! I don't know about you, but I think that is pretty reasonable. If you saw the stuff I take back on a normal day, you'd probably be like, "What?!? Why would you take that back?"

While I'm on the topic of returns, I will tell you the funniest reason I hear about returning stuff....
"I looked at the package and it said it's made in China so I'm bringing it back."

...Wait, what? Are you serious? You should just stop shopping here, because at *insertstorenamehere*, a lot of stuff is made in China or other equally far away countries. The best part of this is that the majority of these people come to me and not my other return worker buddies. They know this and they think it's funny too. I don't get it because 1. I'm not Chinese, 2. I'm not anti-Chinese (or anti-any nationality), and 3. I don't care what country my stuff is made in. It's a big mystery of returns.

The other mystery of returns: the invisible worker. Our counter is rather long, with 4 registers. I use the short, handicap accessible one on the end, because no one else likes it and I don't mind it. Just the other day, I was at the short register, and a coworker was on the far other end of the counter, and no one was at the two in the center. We were both standing there at our registers, and when customers walked up, we were greeting them and asking how we could help them. So where do you think they go? If you guess the two empty registers in the middle, you are correct. (If I were at a middle register, they would go to whichever end is furthest away. It's part of the mystery of the phantom worker.)
 I want to know how they can see the invisible cashier, when I don't see anything. Even when I go, "I can help you down here on the end," they still put their return in the middle of the counter, a good 10 feet from where I am. My favorite part is when they ignore me asking them to come to the end, and they watch me walk back and forth from them to my register 3 or 4 times to get the return done. I have found a good solution to this though. They park their stuff in front of an empty register. I start their return and tell them, "I will be right back," and go to process the return. All of a sudden, they are in front of my register! Works like a charm!

Ok, that is my rambling look into the amusing parts of my job! Doesn't it sound like fun? (I suppose you probably shouldn't answer that.)

-duckyone.

Stupid Thieves.

Since I take back returns at *insertstorenamehere*, I have had the opportunity to see a lot of weird things and hear a lot of weird stories. Some are funny, some are good stories, but the majority just leave me either angry, shaking my head in disbelief, or both.

The common misconception about the place I work is that the workers are stupid, poor, and trashy. People say they are boycotting the store because it treats the employees so badly- terrible wages and whatnot. These same people come in wanting to "stick it to the [evil smiley faced] man" and steal a few (ok, maybe more than a few) items from the store.

I just want to let those thieves know-- it's your fault our wages stink and why prices on the items you do buy to make you look like a normal customer when you are stealing a whole purse full of stuff get raised. Honestly, I don't make a ton of money but my wage isn't completely horrible. But it's still not a lot, which is why my coworkers and I look forward to our quarterly bonuses. Thanks directly to people sticking it to *insertstorenamehere* and helping themselves to a five finger discount, my almost 500 coworkers and I won't be getting a bonus. I was hoping for a bonus to make sure we squeaked by on bills for that month, or to make sure I had a little saved for Christmas presents for my family. It's not really "bonus" happy money for most of us- it's something we will notice not getting and something that we could have used.

I suppose if you're a thief that perhaps you don't really care about other people. Plus, you think "Thou Shalt Not Steal" is an optional concept. It's rather unfortunate. But if you really hate my workplace and the way it treats its workers, hows about you stop stealing from us and just stop shopping there, instead of making our problems worse.

Also, maybe next time you're trying to return stolen stuff, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot? I have a college degree, I've been in my job for several years, and I see right through your stupid story about why you have that expensive item but your grandma's uncle's cousin's great-nephew's pet pot-bellied pig has a receipt fetish and you can't pry the receipt out of his snotty snout. I hope you know that I don't believe you. And when you throw a fit to get your own way, I'm not quiet because I'm afraid of you and want to cave. I'm quiet because I'm trying really hard not to laugh at your ridiculous toddler-style tantrum.

That is all.
-duckyone.

What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine.

When did kids decide that everything automatically belongs to them? Last night at work they caught kids (couldn't be older than 14) stealing, and other kids (ages unknown) stealing one of our walkie talkies. Mind you, these are ratty old walkies that you can only hear the boring goings-on of *insert store name here*, and the batteries stink so they probably didn't even get to listen for long. They would have to have a special charger to even keep on using it. So tell me, what is the point of taking something stupid like that? If you're going to be a thieving moron, at least try and steal something cool or worthwhile! Sheesh.

There was also a group of girls (young teenagers at most) sauntering around the store carrying a giant inflatable penis. If they were going for shock value, they failed since no one else up near me even saw it. If they were trying to be cool, they failed since it just comes across as trashy and lame. Not to mention, YOU'RE 13. You're not supposed to know what a penis is, let alone want to carry around a giant inflatable one. (I know, I know, kids these days and whatnot. But you know what I mean.)

I suppose I'm an old, prudish, crochety lady now? I'll accept that. Now leave me and my prunes alone, The Price is Right is on soon. Ok, not for 2 days but it takes a long time for my geezerly old bones to the living room to watch tv.

-duckyone.

Hey You! Drop the hot dog!

I was at work when a customer stopped me...

"Excuse me."
"Yes?"
"Do you eat?"
"Yes, I eat."
"No really though, do you eat?"
"Yes, I really eat."
"Because I know a girl who is thin like you and she'd rather drink than eat."

Ok, so I was just called an anorexic or an alcoholic? Seriously now, I can't believe the nerve of some people! I tried to tell him that I do eat, and have food allergies, but I don't think that he was convinced. Not that it was any of his business at all. He also told me I needed to eat more meat and potatoes.

Since when did it become ok to ask people stuff like that in front of other people, or comment on their weight? I am assuming this gives me permission to go up to overweight people and yell, "Hey you, yeah you Fatty, drop the hot dog!" Because it is apparently kosher to say things like that now.

Needless to say, I'm not a fan of rude people.

-duckyone.

Target is contagious.

I told my boss that Target is bad, and now he reminds me to not wear a red shirt. He went to Target the other day, and he came back wearing a red tie. Is that how it starts?

In other work related news, I just had my yearly evaluation, and even after the occasional heckling directed toward my bosses, I still have a job. It'll be 5 years there for me! Not too shabby, methinks.

In non-work related news, it's warm out. I know I was anxious to have some warm weather, but I'm near ready for winter already. I hate being sweaty. Also, my birthday is in less than a month. I'm rapidly running out of 20's to age to. 29, here I come! Would like gifts of tasty vittles or noisy toys. But if said gifts cannot be procured, I would be happy with no tornadoes. I'm not picky.

-duckyone.

Is there anything we don't do?

So, I work for a retail store, I won't mention who but I know my whole 2 followers already know who it is. Anyhow, I find that they expect the craziest things from us and then flip out when we don't give them what they want. And I'm not just talking the normal stuff, like not doing rainchecks or not taking back stuff after a few years (or 10, but that's a story for another time).

If they miss a bag at the checkout, the want us to deliver it to them, or they want reimbursement for gas. It's not enough that we just take their word for it the majority of the time even if their missing items weren't turned it, or that we will replace the item for them the next time they are in anyway. If they break something (like sit on a portable DVD player and crack the screen, or accidentally run over their phone), they expect us to eat the cost and replace it for them. They think we're a bank, and try to get us to cash their personal checks, which we can't do, and they pull out the ever popular, "But the lady here last time did it for me!" No, no she didn't. Our register won't even take your check, so nice try but you're lying to my face.

I could go on and on and on about the insane amount of stuff they think we can do, but I just heard a super strange one tonight and had to share. I'm actually glad I didn't take this call, because I don't know what I would have said. Someone called because they lost their ID, and when we didn't have it turned in, they asked if we could make them a new one! Um...seriously? Maybe we should have told them to try the parking lot- with the amount of fake looking IDs we see, I wouldn't be surprised if there were someone out there who could arrange it. Ha.

-duckyone.