Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I'm gonna teach my crotch to do math!

I was at work, sitting on break, flipping through a tabloid magazine to keep myself entertained. I can usually make it through an entire magazine in 15 minutes to get all that I want out of it on one break. I generally skip through the ads, but one in particular caught my attention a short while back. I was amazed that someone actually took the time to advertise that they were selling these. What was it? Wait for it...

"Designer" feminine products.

I would say that I saw it wrong, that no one would actually invent this, but someone did. Pads with patterns on them, and tampons in brightly colored applicators. Really? I really wish I could the inventor what on earth was going on in his or head (but I am assuming probably his) head when they came up with these.

"Anyone have an ideas for a new product?"
"I'd imagine that special time of the month would be so much more fun and exciting if a lady could bleed on a picture of flowers instead of a plain old, boring, no-fun pad."
"That's a great idea. Let's do it!"

Do these people seriously think someone's crotch is going to get so bored that they want to look at a pretty picture? Nethers don't have eyeballs, folks. I wonder if the dude that invented this is related to the genius that invented bras with patterns on the insides of the cups. If my chest or privates are that bored, maybe they should print the insides of bras and feminine products with Shakespeare or Calculus so at least those areas can learn something if they are that bored.

Meanwhile, the smarty that invented these is probably laughing all the way to the bank, while I am working retail, touching used toilets seats, dead fish, and sweaty worn clothes at the returns desk.