Monday, May 31, 2010

Genius on Jeopardy

I love watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune when I can. Maybe it's to learn some new tidbits of trivia. Maybe it's to practice for when I'm old and retired, sitting in an armchair eating prunes and peppermints, and watching game shows.

Or maybe it's for the amazingly dumb moments that make me laugh.

I used to think Alex Trebek knew near everything. After all, he does read all the answers to 61 questions on every episode. Multiply that by over 25 years and you get a heck of a lot of loose facts floating around in your brain. So how did Mr. Trebek make it this far without knowing what the chicken dance is? Maybe I'm just a dork for not only knowing what the chicken dance is, but liking it. It just seems like the type of thing that the majority of people know (and probably hate).

That's not even dumb, just random. There really is dumb out there, and for that, we turn to another show, Wheel of Fortune. The puzzle category was Before and After, and the answer was "Fairbanks and Baked Alaska." Pat goes to congratulate the lady who solved the puzzle, and she says,

"I know what Baked Alaska is, but what is a Fairbanks?"

Really? REALLY?! Even Pat looked stunned as he explained to her that it was a city. He didn't let her forget it either. When she won the prize puzzle later in the game, he told her that the trip she won wasn't to Fairbanks.

Just so you think the viewers are off the hook, I have a good story to tell you. I was watching Wheel of Fortune with my husband one night, and during the final puzzle, my husband goes, "Why does every person always pick R S T L N E?" I had to explain to him that they automatically get those letters. I figured he'd watched it enough to understand. But I'm glad he didn't, because his question amused me.

So here is why I really watch these shows. I'm always amazed at the stuff people know. I'm equally amazed at the stuff that people don't know.


Friday, May 28, 2010

Why you should never work at Target.

Something occured to me the other day. Never work at Target. They wear red shirts! If you're ever seen Star Trek, you know that's bad news. Also, it's called Target- not only are you wearing a red shirt, you're also marked with a bullseye! If that's not asking for something unpleasant to happen, I don't know what is.


(I do love me a good Target diaper sale though!)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Is there anything we don't do?

So, I work for a retail store, I won't mention who but I know my whole 2 followers already know who it is. Anyhow, I find that they expect the craziest things from us and then flip out when we don't give them what they want. And I'm not just talking the normal stuff, like not doing rainchecks or not taking back stuff after a few years (or 10, but that's a story for another time).

If they miss a bag at the checkout, the want us to deliver it to them, or they want reimbursement for gas. It's not enough that we just take their word for it the majority of the time even if their missing items weren't turned it, or that we will replace the item for them the next time they are in anyway. If they break something (like sit on a portable DVD player and crack the screen, or accidentally run over their phone), they expect us to eat the cost and replace it for them. They think we're a bank, and try to get us to cash their personal checks, which we can't do, and they pull out the ever popular, "But the lady here last time did it for me!" No, no she didn't. Our register won't even take your check, so nice try but you're lying to my face.

I could go on and on and on about the insane amount of stuff they think we can do, but I just heard a super strange one tonight and had to share. I'm actually glad I didn't take this call, because I don't know what I would have said. Someone called because they lost their ID, and when we didn't have it turned in, they asked if we could make them a new one! Um...seriously? Maybe we should have told them to try the parking lot- with the amount of fake looking IDs we see, I wouldn't be surprised if there were someone out there who could arrange it. Ha.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Sweaty boobs and some hail stones to cool them down.

Just saw a Playtex commercial tonight that said, "Friends don't let friends sweat in their bras." Say WHAT? Do they actually listen to what they are saying before these commercials air? I can just imagine people saying, "Hey, friend, I've heard that you're sweating in your bra, and I just can't condone that. Go buy a Playtex bra or I can't be your pal any more." Strange things making it onto TV these days!

But I do have a solution for the ladies out there with a sweaty chest problem. We got the most awful storm today, with pouring rain, scary thunder, crazy winds, tornado sightings, and golf ball sized hail. Those hail stones were awesomely cold in the freakishly warm spring weather we've been having, and those would be AWESOME for cooling you down!

And apparently Nebraska chose not to listen to my nice suggestion about the weather. Stupid Nebraska. It was seriously a weird storm. I saw on the news that the storm was moving at 70 MPH. Can you believe it? That must be why it went from pouring, to no rain but thunder, to pouring rain and hail, to crazy clouds and tornadoes sighted, to pouring rain and hail, to sun and clouds, to crazy pouring rain and small hail, to really windy, back to sunny with white puffy clouds in just over an hour. Didn't seem to bother my husband and kiddo any, but I was freaked out, especially when the sirens went off and we had to go into the basement. I can't wait till we can afford to move to somewhere with less exciting weather. Anyone want to contribute to the "Save Ducky From Crazy Tornado And Corn Infested State of Nebraska" fund? I'm allergic to corn and not too pleased about the existence of tornadoes. Any and all donations accepted! (Ha ha ha!)

There's a picture of me holding some good sized hailstones. I'm sure there were bigger ones but I wasn't about to go out there for very long. This was just before the tornado sirens went off. Ignore the angle that makes me look like some sort of freak.

Monday, May 24, 2010

And I thought Elmo was the dirtiest...

And here I thought that Elmo was the dirtiest Muppet on Sesame Street (He DID just say, "Elmo's hands are very talented" on Elmo's World on a recent episode), there are definitely other naughty, naughty puppets on the street!

Here's from the same Elmo's World (about hands):
Telly: We're going to play a game.
Baby Bear: A hand game!

Ok, so it turns out it was patty cake, but you tell me that that sounds normal. You can't, can you?

And that monster Murray isn't off the hook either. When he was singing about words that start with the letter U. The song said a bunch and then he stopped on the word underpants. Then he kept repeating underpants and waved a pair of boxer shorts in the air! Is it an innocent childrens song, or is there a Muppet running around somewhere who doesn't have on any skivvies?

Let me tell you, that cute little pink fairy Abby Cadabby is not off the hook either. She may have been egged on by Elmo, but she did poof Gordon (presumably naked) in his bathtub down into the street! And the best part? Elmo kept repeating, "Gordon's the man!" Elmo, stop looking into the tub. That's just vulgar!

Suddenly Oscar the grouch seems like the cleanest one of them all.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Stupid Nebraska.

Nebraska's weather won't make up it's mind. On May 12th, it snowed. SNOWED. IN MAY. At least it was overnight and melted the next day. Last night, it was warmish and clear, yet there was a Tornado Watch. Today? 85 degrees, sunny, and windy. When will it make up its mind?

And while I am on the topic of weather, could we maybe not have any tornadoes and fun tornado warnings every week on the TV and loud tornado sirens? Last year's scary tornado episode (which involved a tornado heading straight for my work- it went back up into the clouds before it hit us) was enough to freak me out. Though I must say, the scary looking clouds going in two different directions one of top of the other after the tornado was still kinda cool too look at.

I am a New England girl. We don't DO tornadoes. We just don't. I'm not too keen on the 90-100 degree days for months straight in the summer, but at least we have AC and fans. You can get away from the heat. There, unfortunately, is no anti-tornado device. Can't grab an umbrella, snow shovel, or fan to help with that. I suppose I'm not a fan of the whole "Get into the basement and duck and cover" thing. I can understand heading for the lowest level you can get, but if you are going to get tornadoed, no amount of ducking and covering is going to help you. Yikes.

Dear Nebraska,
I will call you Awesome Nebraska instead of Stupid Nebraska if you figure out the weather to my favor. I'm just saying. You can think about it and get back to me.

P.S. You smell like corn. You might want to do something about that. Maybe some deodorant.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Are you a Twitter addict?

I have a newfound love for Twitter. It's an easy way to see what's going on with other people, and to post really short updates or a photo every now and then. My opinion though, is that if I can get a site to work for me, I am all for it. Call me a sellout if you want, but I work part time and have a little girl to raise, and I can use every penny I get! So here are 2 suggestions to maximize the awesomeness of Twitter to your advantage.

1. Say and Win. Tweet your normal stuff, but do it from this site for a chance to win codes! I haven't won yet, but it's run by Publisher's Clearing House, and I've won from their Facebook application before, so I know it's legit. It's an easy way to possibly win a prize for something you already do. And since I'm saving my $$ for Christmas presents, every little bit helps!

2. Sponsored Tweets. Basically, advertisers want people to Tweet ads for them, and that's where you come in. You set your price (at least 10 cents a Tweet), advertiser picks you, you choose which ones you want and you write up your Tweet. Once you get to $50, you can withdraw your earnings. It's really easy, and they notify you by direct message once you are picked for an ad. Requirements: must have had your Twitter account for at least 60 days, have posted at least 100 Tweets, and have at least 50 people following you. Some people think of it as selling out. I think of it as helping my family. Sure, I'd be annoyed if that's all someone Tweeted. I probably wouldn't follow them. But I usually only do a few ads a week, and not more than 2 a day usually. I post plenty of other normal Tweets so I don't flood anyone's Twitter with ads.

So that's it! Two easy ways to get Twitter to work for you! :) It feels too easy, almost like free money.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What to watch now?

All my favorite reality shows start around the same time. Now they are all over for the season or almost over. First America's Best Dance Crew, then America's Next Top Model, and next week, Dancing With The Stars will be done.

Reality TV is what keeps me sane after a day filled with Sesame Street, stupid Chuggington, and baby babbles. It's nice to have something entertaining to watch that has actual adults on it. I do suppose that now that I either despise every kid show and/or think is is demented and perverted, I really should turn off the tv. Hopefully this summer won't be filled with as many thunderstorms and tornadoes as last year, and me and the wee one can get outside more.

But if anyone has any suggestions of entertaining reality tv, I am open to watching something different. I don't like anything scary or loaded with vulgarity. That basically rules out most stuff on MTV (which is infinitely less entertaining than when I was in high school). My favorite reality shows are more the competition style than the film someone's every waking moment style.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Pants-ing With The Stars

I wasn't too excited about the semi-finals of Dancing With The Stars tonight. All the people I liked the most have already gone home. But nothing else was on, and my daughter was napping in my lap, so I couldn't reach the remote anyway. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised by some of the dances, especially Evan's. Even Ochocinco surprised me, and most weeks previously I have had him pegged to go home. My favorite dance of the night was Evan's Paso Doble, and after seeing them all, I think Erin might go home, although Ochocinco had the lowest scores of the night.

But the most interesting part to me was the "interesting" was the costumes. What was up with Erin's humongous pant legs so wide that they look like a dress until she goes to kick? And I know Nicole was dancing to a Prince song, thus her crazy getup, but to me, pants on ladies when ballroom dancing just doesn't look good. And this is coming from a girl who wears pants probably 95% of the time.

The other funny part of the evening was when judge Bruno got bleeped out. What the heck did he say? Anyone know? I know I'm not the only one who was wondering either. Jake Pavelka (the Bachelor) was wondering the same thing on his Twitter. I'm sure it was something funny. Bruno always cracks me up. (Len's my favorite though!)

Tomorrow night's elimination should be interesting. I'm not entirely sure who will go home. Also, Miley Cyrus "singing" and dancing in a cage! Should be the official trainwreck portion of the show.


"Special" Agent Oso

Why am I glad that my daughter always sleeps in? Because I never have to watch Special Agent Oso! I really hope that Oso is his special agent codename, because if he is really named Oso (Spanish for "bear"), then his parents are just as "special" as his is. We're talking the "special ed" variety of special.

Have you ever seen this show? Special Agent Oso is the stupidest bear ever. As someone pointed out to me, he makes Winnie the Pooh look like a rocket scientist! He's also the worst special agent ever. He can't work his gear, and he can't follow simple instructions. He makes Inspector Gadget look like Albert Einstein. Here's how the show goes: He fails his training exercise because he's stupider than a bag of rocks, he gets sent on a special mission to help a kid anyway, the kid manages to figure the problem out mostly on their own but thanks Oso anyway, and then he goes back and takes what the kid just taught him to pass his training. Then he gets a special "digi-medal" to commemorate his "accomplishment." I am thinking his boss only sends digital medals because Oso is not worth the money to make an actual medal.

Oso does have some awesome gear. He's got the talking wrist communicator, complete with annoying singing lady who gives him instructions, and a direct line to his boss. He's got a flying vehicle. He's got a little flying bug robot that finds kids who need help and then alerts him via the wrist thing that he's got a special assignment. And not to mention he gets his medals digitally. He gets to go on land, sea, sky, and even outer space (where he tries to fix a space station and gets tangled up in his air line). With all that fancy, expensive looking gear, you'd expect him to shut down drug rings, stop terrorism, and keep people from getting into the country illegally. But what does he do? Messes up his training and then uses his spiffy agent gear to help kids hula hoop, pack a suitcase, or brush their teeth.

And if that doesn't sound stupid enough to you, each mission has "three special steps." For real now? Does it really take 3 steps to hula hoop? And last I checked, brushing your teeth mainly involves brushing. One whole step. I swear, the steps are given to HIM to make it simpler for HIM, not simpler for the kids who need help.

I want to meet the person who came up with the idea for this show and ask them what on Earth they were thinking. Or perhaps what they were under the influence of. Oso needs to take the short bus back to special ed, and then they can find the smart trainees to do some real missions. There's got to be a cartoon bear out there smarter than Oso, maybe one related to MacGyver. I would totally watch a cartoon bear saving the day by building a rocket made out of a paper clip, chewing gum, and a ballpoint pen.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

America's Next Top Naptime

The finale of this season's America's Next Top Model (Cycle 14) has to be the most boring end to a season I have ever seen. Krista got top photo for the last 4 panels leading up into the final runway challenge. She kept winning the smaller challenges in the episodes too. Sure, she's pretty, and determined, and loves modeling. But this season's pictures didn't seem nearly as good to me as previous cycles. I was glad that Angelea didn't make it to the final two, but I pretty much lost most interest after they sent Jessica home in last week's episode. I'm glad Raina made the final two as well, and I think if the last panel was based solely on the final commercial and runway, she probably would have won.

I knew who was going to win before I even watched it though. I was also right about who would go home on Dancing With The Stars. Does that mean that I watch way too much tv? Probably.

Friday, May 14, 2010


My daughter said her first words in December. They were, "Hi, Daddy!" She was born a Daddy's girl, and she practically worships the ground he walks on. So it's no surprise that she would say his name first. She's had my husband wrapped around her little finger since before she was even born. During ultrasounds, he would just stare up at the screen, in love with his little princess.

Mummy, on the other hand? Might as well not exist. Sure, I feed her, change her, play with her, read to her, and make sure her room and laundry are always clean, but does any of that matter? I'm not fun like Daddy is. Moms just can't live up to dads in the eyes of their little girls.

Everyone told me that "mommy" would be her first word. I was trying to teach her "Daddy," my husband was trying to teach her "Mummy." So what did she say after Daddy?

Baby, Shoes, Cheese, Kitty, Boo (cat's name), Sticker, Please, Thank You "doo!", Pee, Poopoo, Tree, Pizza, Taco, Cookie, Juice, Eyes, Yummy... (and there may be a few more I'm forgetting)...

Then finally! This week, 5 long months later, I was reading her a book, she was all snuggly in my arms, and she looks up at me and says, "Mama...mama." I thought maybe she was babbling at first, since she can converse entirely in babbles. But my husband told her the other night that they were going to pick up Mummy from work, and in the car, she said "Mama!"

I may not ever be her favorite, but at least I exist now.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Baby Daze (My wee one's NICU story)

So I was watching "19 Kids and Counting," and they were showing the littlest Duggar, Josie, who is a preemie, and at 4 months was still only like 4 lbs. My daughter was definitely not a preemie, but the episode still reminded me of the time that my own wee one spent in the NICU.

The girl next to my little one was a preemie, still not even 5 lbs., and had been there for over a month. Her parents were in there visiting her often, and they always seemed so calm and peaceful, holding their baby and enjoying her. Meanwhile, I was there with my giant baby, tired and stressed out and not really knowing what was going on. How is it that these people seemed so relaxed when their baby was probably in danger when first born just because she was so tiny?

My daughter was 8 lb. 12.8 oz. when born. Labor was short and relatively painless, I didn't even get painkillers. I walked into the hospital around 11:30 AM and said, "I think maybe my water broke," and they seemed to think I was mistaken given the lack of soaking wetness or painful contractions, but sure enough, they checked and I was already to 5cm and having contractions every 1.5 to 2 minutes. I didn't feel a thing. It was then that I learned that I had Strep B. "Why didn't you tell us so we could get you hooked up to the antibiotics?" Nobody ever told me!

I got hooked up to the IV, was up to 10cm by 3 PM and at 6:12 PM, my little chubby troublemaker arrived. Easy peasy. I watched a little while they took her and cleaned her off and weighed her and all that. My husband ran around the room to take pictures and see his little princess. After what seemed like forever but was probably only a few minutes, they handed me a chilled out little bundle of chubbiness. Then, just as quickly as they let me see her, they told me she was breathing funny and were taking her to the NICU for some oxygen. It was probably just stress from the birth, they told me. My husband didn't even get to hold her.

They told me I could go see her around 2 AM, but I was so exhausted, weak from loss of blood, and in pain from them coming in every few hours to push on my belly that I waited until morning to go see her. It was then that they told me she needed to be on antibiotics for a day because her white blood cell count was elevated. She did go off of the oxygen that day though.

That one day on antibiotics? That turned into 2 days.
That turned into 3 days.
That turned into a week.

They just wanted to make sure she didn't develop an infection, they said. Other than that, they didn't really tell us anything. There was no definite diagnosis that anyone gave us. I did see on her chart during a recent appointment "suspected sepsis." That basically means infection. Whether I gave her my Strep B or she caught something else, I may never know.

I was tired, still weak for a few days, and went home without a baby. Luckily, the hospital was right down the street. I visited her 2-4 times a day. My husband visited when he could, but had to go back to work after a week, so didn't even get to see her at home before he went back to work.

She was the funniest baby in the NICU. She was about twice the size of any of the other babies in there. They had trouble finding a suit to fit her. She was in size 1 diapers when she was 1 day old, so we had a lot of newborn diapers to return. She was able to hold her head up the day she was born, and she liked to see what was going on all around her. She also liked to mess up the sensors she was hooked up to and set her alarms off so the nurses would come running over. One day, we heard the loudest gas noise coming from a baby in the NICU, and we were outside the door. Guess whose baby that was? :)

I'd sit there in the NICU for a 1/2 hour or hour at a time, feeding her, changing her, or just watching her sleep. The nurses put little black and white patterns on the sides of her basinette, and she was enthralled. She would just stare and stare at the patterns, so much that we took them home with us and put them where she could see them at home. We brought in a little pink stuffed bunny so she would have something from home, and little ducky outfits so she would have something to wear that fit. She was completely in love with her binky too.

After that week, we were told to return to the hospital for a night of "Step Down," where they could make sure we could take care of our "special" baby, because often NICU babies need extra care. We had to take classes on bathing her and baby CPR. We had to chart every time we fed her, how much we fed her, and every time she'd pee or poop on a little chart. And once again, one night didn't really mean 1 night. She was losing weight (a whopping 4 oz. lost on the day we took her home), and she was spitting up almost projectile-like and green. I'm not sure how they didn't notice that in the week she was in NICU, but it was determined that the formula was the problem and they switched her. It wasn't until the 3rd day back there that we were allowed to take her home. Even then, we had to meet with a counselor about our feelings (NICU is stressful) and they told us a nurse had to come check on us EVERY DAY to make sure baby was good and we were taking care of her well. Thankfully, the nurse only came 2 or 3 times before it was determined that we would be just fine.

We probably did have about the easiest time in the NICU anyone could have. And it was still really hard. It didn't really occur to me after a pretty uneventful pregnancy that I wouldn't get to take my baby home with me. I went to pick up a few needed baby things from work when she was 2 days old and people were swarming me asking why I was in there with no big belly and no baby. I had one picture to show them, of her hooked up to oxygen and sensors. I probably got a lot more sleep than most new moms and I was still exhausted. I hated going into the NICU, even though everyone there was nice and my baby certainly looked healthy enough. I hated leaving just as much.

We took her home when she was 9 days old, and she's going to be 2 in the fall. We are fortunate in that there are no lasting problems. She's pretty much the perfect toddler, right on track physically and mentally. She's got a big head of curly hair and a big toddler attitude. The poor Duggars still have their baby (born last December for anyone who hasn't seen the show) in the NICU, and they don't know when they can take her home. I just hope that for them this time next year, they also have a healthy, active, normal, awesome toddler.


Here is my little one when she was in the NICU, still hooked up to oxygen, IV, and sensors. Notice how chubby she is!
 And here is her now, a curly haired, adorable menace! :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Day of the Mom

Well, it was just Mother's Day, or as I like to call it, "Congrats on having sex and getting knocked up, here's some flowers!" In case you can't tell, I am not a fan of Mother's Day (or Father's Day). It's not that my mom and stepmom aren't awesome in their own mom and stepmom ways- they totally are. I'm just not into people getting rewarded for boinking and procreating. This wasn't even a holiday until about 100 years ago, and before that mommies didn't get their one pampered day a year. And yet, things still went on, ladies went on boinking and reproducing, and their kids still loved them and all that.

Needless to say, the husband and toddler didn't do anything special for me. My husband did mention it yesterday and I was all like, "Don't even bother." He should know by now how I feel about such things. I am not too happy about commercialized holidays and people expecting to get pampered or given gifts or whatever.

Church made a biggish deal out of Mother's Day. The Sunday school kids made presents for their moms. Since my one year old is awesome and loves to sleep, we never actually go to Sunday school, just the service. But still, they made her present to give me for her and I was given a half dead potted plant with a paper fish on a stick stuck in the dirt. It would be positively adorable coming from her. From whichever adult runs the class and made it instead? I'm not really sure what to think.

They also have a children's sermon during the main service, and they usually do stuff with puppets or short stories. Today? They made the little kids hand out roses to all the mommies in the sanctuary. I tried to hide in the back where I wouldn't be seen, but unfortunately the congregation is small enough that everyone knows everyone. My kiddo took the flower right away and snapped the stem off and played with the leaves, and then nearly managed to dump the potted plant all over the pew. Fun times.

So yeah, Happy Mother's Day. Go me for getting knocked up and popping out a kid from my nether regions! Love your mommies the same amount every day. And as for my daughter? She can feel free to skip the flowers and cards, and I promise I won't hold it against her. Her taking an actual nap today was a bigger gift than I could have asked for.


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Cover Girl Blast

Thanks to an awesome site called BzzAgent, I get the opportunity to test out all sorts of fun and interesting products. Currently, I'm getting to test out some cosmetics from the Cover Girl Blast collection. I tried them out today, and I have some mixed opinions.

First off, the Shineblast Lip Gloss in shade #840. It's almost a neon pink in the tube, so I was wary. But lo and behold, it goes on with just a hint of pink, which I liked a lot. It also has a touch of glitter, which feels a tiny bit gritty when you apply, but not too bad. It went on easily with the wand applicator, and it was plenty shiny. It also smells like watermelon! It's great if you just want to have shiny lips for a short trip out somewhere, or if you don't mind reapplying. Let me tell you, if they could make their all day stuff look as shiny and awesome as the Shineblast gloss, I think I might dance a jig!

The other item I tried was the Smoky Shadowblast eyeshadow in color #810, Purple Plume. It's a double ended tube, much like lipstick only for your eyes! The first step is a rounded end, and you're supposed to sweep it over your entire eyelid. The first step shade I had was a lavender, and it went on really light. I probably went over my eyes with it 10 times to get it visible. The second shade, a darker brownish-purple, has more of a pointed tip, and is supposed to line your top eyelid and right under the brow bone to create the smoky look. Again, I had to go over it several times to even get it to show. I do have to say, though, the application was easy because the eyeshadow was so creamy!

I added some brown eyeliner and a touch of black mascara to try and make it look decent, because without that it looked a little weird. To me, it did make my eyes have a very nice shape, and made me look a little more alert. Smoky eye? Maybe a little, but not really. It does look better than me just sweeping a quick pass of eyeshadow like I normally do. The shades were so light that it didn't give me that dramatic smoky eye look at all. It's probably a good thing, though- I am not really good at the whole makeup thing and if it were darker, I am sure it would make me look awful when I inevitably manage to mess it up.

I read other reviews on the ShadowBlast and they said that the eyeshadow is too creamy and tends to crease, and that some foundation or primer would prevent that from happening. I put a layer of liquid foundation and then a light powder on my eyelids, and that usually helps keep the color looking nice all day. But not with this! I looked in the mirror after less than 2 hours and I already had heavy creasing! And it took both shades into the creases and made dark clumpy lines across my eyelids. It's a good thing I am wearing my glasses so no one can see the lines!

Overall, I'm pretty well undecided on the Cover Girl Shadowblast. On the one hand, it goes on easily. On the other, it creases really badly. I suppose if I could figure out how to keep it from creasing, I would like it a whole lot better. Also, it does take a lot of passes to make it even look like there is even color there. For the $8 suggested price, I would expect it to go on more sparingly and still look good! As for the Shineblast gloss, I do like it overall- I just wish it would last a little longer!

Have any of you tried these items? What do you think about them?


Little Einsteins, a little too strange

I don't watch Little Einsteins often, but the kiddo seems to like it, so we watch it once in a while. I have determined that Little Einsteins is exactly what That 70's Show would like if it were a cartoon and the characters were little kids. I mean, they fly around in a rocket and solve problems by singing, dancing, playing instruments, and conducting? Sounds like the beginnings of the pot smoking circle in Foreman's basement to me.

And where do I even begin on the fact that they think they are flying around in a rocket? Sounds like an awesome "trip" if you ask me. And is it bad that I think of South Park's "Red Rocket" episode every time I see that little red rocket on Little Einsteins? Yes, it's probably a bad thing.

Yes, I am aware that it's not a good thing to think that all children's programming is dirty. It's probably a good sign that I need to turn off the tv more.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Pretty people, be gone!

So I was watching America's Next Top Model tonight (I know, I know. Guilty pleasure.) and they sent home a girl named Jessica, who is seriously one of the most ridiculously pretty people I've ever seen. I swear the girl almost always had a smile on her face, she worked hard, and she wanted to be there. In the judging tonight, they discussed how she was going to make a buttload of money in commercial modeling. And then they sent her home.

Last time I checked, it wasn't America's Next Top Runway Model. It's just Top Model. I don't know why they have a thing against abnormally beautiful people who will probably get rich off of print ads. Instead, they pick a strange looking person who will look ok in a couple of couture ads, or will last walking the runways for two years until they get "too old." The other girls here aren't nearly as pretty (but I should mention that none are ugly either- on the outside, anyway) and they would all have their own niche that they would do well in.

You know what I think? Tyra doesn't want anyone as pretty as her to go very far on the show. I swear, the girls I like the best NEVER win. She might as well change the show to America's Next Top Model Who Will Never Do As Well As Tyra Because She Will Never Pick Anyone Prettier Than Her. Or is that too wide to fit on the screen?


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The scariest thing on Sesame Street

My sister had wanted me to watch an interesting Sesame Street clip, but I found perhaps the creepiest thing ever! I was watching an episode tonight (thank goodness for DVR), and Elmo's World was having a "skin" theme. And while there are so many ways I could go with that, that's not even the creepiest part! Elmo got a video message from Ernie on his computer, and he we see how truly messed up Ernie really is.

Ernie was blindfolded so he could demonstrate how his skin can feel things and he can tell what they are without even seeing them. Let's see if you can guess what Ernie was touching with the following 2 clues, which were spoken by Ernie.

1. One part is "Round and squishy."
2. Another part of the same thing is "Smooth, thin, and floppy like a garden hose."

Now just think about it. What on Earth could Ernie possibly be touching that could feel like that? Ok, now I will give you the answer right away so you don't go off on too weird of a tangent from this. Ernie was touching...


That's all I have to say about that.

Handy Manny Sure is Handy!

Any of you who may have watched Handy Manny with your kiddos may have many unanswered questions. How come Manny has talking tools, but some of them don't talk? Why does Manny never pay at Kelly's Hardware Store? And you've seen Manny's sister and grandfather, but where are his parents? I may not know the answer to the missing parents (although they might be in The Land of the Missing Parents along with Elmo's mom and dad), but I do have my own theories on the show.

Talking tools? Really? Honestly, I don't think his tools talk. I think Manny is hooked on drugs and just thinks the tools talk to him. Now, I know what you're thinking, everyone else talks to the tools too. Well, of course they do. Would you really want to tick off a guy strung out on drugs enough to think that his hardware can carry on a conversation? No, I didn't think so.

Why doesn't Manny ever pay for his hardware? There are two theories on this one. The first is that Manny supplies drugs for Kelly as well. The second is that Kelly and Manny are secretly romantically involved. It could be both scenarios, but I definitely lean toward the second one. After all, Kelly always has just what Manny needs! He says it is in nearly every episode.

I really don't mind Handy Manny. My daughter loves it and it can be kind of cute. But it is distracting when you are expecting a drug crazed rampage at any moment. Or, which would be even more hilarious, Manny goes into Kelly's Hardware Store, the music suddenly changes ("Bow chicka wow wow, chicka chicka wow wowwwww") and suddenly Handy Manny turns into adult programming.

Oh, it's just me that thinks this? Well, never mind then!

8 years!

It's been 8 years since me and my husband got married! It's been 8 years, 3 states, 2 cats, and 1 curly haired baby girl since May 4th, 2002. We drive each other nuts, get on each others' nerves, and we're also best buddies who can just hang out together. I do follow him around wherever he wants to move to, and I've been cleaning up after his messes for 8 years.

Still, it doesn't feel like that long. I remember our wedding day pretty clearly. He picked me up at school, we went to the JP, and got married by a lady in a bright yellow t-shirt with a knick-knack filled house and her giant fat cat. Then we grabbed burgers for lunch. We went to Hampton Beach after that and played at the arcades. Then we went to play mini-golf, where we took silly pictures all dressed up and posing with giant plastic dinosaurs. Then we went up to Rye Beach just to see the scenery. Finally, we went back down to Newburyport, where we had dinner with the parents. The night ended with us going to our apartment down in Beverly, where he had been living but I hadn't. The next day, we went to Boston and saw the aquarium. We got lost a little on the T, but not for too long, and that night, I went back to school so I could stay there through finals.

That must be a weird story for anyone else. We didn't have a fancy wedding. We have hardly any pictures of that day, and no really nice ones. We did have a party at my mom's house the next month to celebrate our getting married (as well as my 21st birthday). That day was fun too, even if it was like 90 degrees outside and most of us ended up sunburned. It might have been nice to have an actual wedding, and I would have liked to have gotten married at my church, but overall, it was a good day and I wouldn't change it. It was a lot less stressful to have a fun day instead of a fully planned wedding.


The truth about Elmo

My daughter loves Elmo. Like, LOVES Elmo. I didn't intend for this to happen, but I would put Sesame Street on when she was tiny, and Elmo always made her smile, and his song would make her wiggle and dance. I was raised on Sesame Street, so I thought it would be cool. But Sesame Street is changed a lot since I was small. And while watching way too much Elmo, it occurred to me what a bad role model he is for little kids! Here's the facts:

-Elmo lives by himself. I don't know his exact age, but I think it's about 4 since he's not old enough for kindergarten. He does have parents but as evidenced by Elmo's World, he certainly doesn't live with them. How is a toddler monster getting his own place?

-Have you seen his apartment? He's colored all over everything! I really don't want my daughter to learn that. I've already had to scrub ball point pen off of the walls. Not fun.

-Elmo's neighbors are of questionable repute. Have you seen Mr. Noodle, his brother Mr. Noodle, his sister Miss Noodle and his other sister Miss Noodle? They don't know how to do anything. Elmo has to show them. He's had to teach them to dance, whistle, even dress themselves! What kind of people don't know how to do that? Well, since Elmo is talking to inanimate objects (the window shade, the computer, the drawer, and the TV), it leads me to believe that the Noodles are druggies and certain fumes leak through the window to Elmo's place. Hello, hallucinations! I should also tell you that Elmo did call the Noodles' swingers once. And on the episode I saw today, Mr. Noodle snuck into Elmo's apartment.

-Stranger Danger! Elmo is always letting strangers into his place. He's even had random parades of critters marching through his place.

-Mystery funds? How in the world is Elmo funding his lifestyle? Not only does he have his own place, he also has internet and cable. And he has a piano, and those aren't cheap.

-Questionable programming! Elmo has a channel on his TV for whatever his theme of the day. And some of them sound a little suspicious. The Foot Channel? Sounds like a fetish channel to me. And The Sharing Channel? There are so many ways a person could take that.

Someone needs to put Elmo into monster protective custody, stat! His parents aren't around ever, and he's living by himself with weird neighbors, people going in and out of his place, and programming that is not rated E for Everyone. Why doesn't anyone notice this? Gordon, Maria, Luis- I'm talking to YOU. It's sad that you let your cute furry little neighbor fall through the cracks like that.

(And yes, I do watch too much tv.)


I can see corn out my front window. Yes, it's about exciting as it sounds. And I spend the majority of the time at home watching my daughter, so most of the time, I don't even know what the date is unless I need to look it up for whatever reason. I do have a job, I work retail, and that it least helps me to know what day of the week it is sometimes.

Life in Nebraska is mostly corn and wind. Snow and below zero in the winter, tornadoes and 90s in the summer. The best part? I'm allergic to corn. When the corn starts getting ripe, and when they cut it down, it makes it hard to breathe. The whole corn thing is a whole other story that I might get into later but not now since it's almost 2 AM.

I live here with my husband and 1 year old daughter. We're not from here. We've lived here almost 3 years and I still feel like a stranger and an alien. I want to go to home home, which, by the way, is Massachusetts. It's practically an impossibility at the moment, because while it was cheap to move this way, it's certainly not cheap to get back out that way. It's not terrible here, but most of the family is out east and I want my little girl to have her family around as she gets older.

Since I am home so much, most of my posts will probably be about the weird things I think about because I have way too much time to sit here and think about odd junk. Just don't say I didn't warn you.