Genius on Jeopardy

I love watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune when I can. Maybe it's to learn some new tidbits of trivia. Maybe it's to practice for when I'm old and retired, sitting in an armchair eating prunes and peppermints, and watching game shows.

Or maybe it's for the amazingly dumb moments that make me laugh.

I used to think Alex Trebek knew near everything. After all, he does read all the answers to 61 questions on every episode. Multiply that by over 25 years and you get a heck of a lot of loose facts floating around in your brain. So how did Mr. Trebek make it this far without knowing what the chicken dance is? Maybe I'm just a dork for not only knowing what the chicken dance is, but liking it. It just seems like the type of thing that the majority of people know (and probably hate).

That's not even dumb, just random. There really is dumb out there, and for that, we turn to another show, Wheel of Fortune. The puzzle category was Before and After, and the answer was "Fairbanks and Baked Alaska." Pat goes to congratulate the lady who solved the puzzle, and she says,

"I know what Baked Alaska is, but what is a Fairbanks?"

Really? REALLY?! Even Pat looked stunned as he explained to her that it was a city. He didn't let her forget it either. When she won the prize puzzle later in the game, he told her that the trip she won wasn't to Fairbanks.

Just so you think the viewers are off the hook, I have a good story to tell you. I was watching Wheel of Fortune with my husband one night, and during the final puzzle, my husband goes, "Why does every person always pick R S T L N E?" I had to explain to him that they automatically get those letters. I figured he'd watched it enough to understand. But I'm glad he didn't, because his question amused me.

So here is why I really watch these shows. I'm always amazed at the stuff people know. I'm equally amazed at the stuff that people don't know.

-duckyone.

Why you should never work at Target.

Something occured to me the other day. Never work at Target. They wear red shirts! If you're ever seen Star Trek, you know that's bad news. Also, it's called Target- not only are you wearing a red shirt, you're also marked with a bullseye! If that's not asking for something unpleasant to happen, I don't know what is.

-duckyone.

(I do love me a good Target diaper sale though!)

Is there anything we don't do?

So, I work for a retail store, I won't mention who but I know my whole 2 followers already know who it is. Anyhow, I find that they expect the craziest things from us and then flip out when we don't give them what they want. And I'm not just talking the normal stuff, like not doing rainchecks or not taking back stuff after a few years (or 10, but that's a story for another time).

If they miss a bag at the checkout, the want us to deliver it to them, or they want reimbursement for gas. It's not enough that we just take their word for it the majority of the time even if their missing items weren't turned it, or that we will replace the item for them the next time they are in anyway. If they break something (like sit on a portable DVD player and crack the screen, or accidentally run over their phone), they expect us to eat the cost and replace it for them. They think we're a bank, and try to get us to cash their personal checks, which we can't do, and they pull out the ever popular, "But the lady here last time did it for me!" No, no she didn't. Our register won't even take your check, so nice try but you're lying to my face.

I could go on and on and on about the insane amount of stuff they think we can do, but I just heard a super strange one tonight and had to share. I'm actually glad I didn't take this call, because I don't know what I would have said. Someone called because they lost their ID, and when we didn't have it turned in, they asked if we could make them a new one! Um...seriously? Maybe we should have told them to try the parking lot- with the amount of fake looking IDs we see, I wouldn't be surprised if there were someone out there who could arrange it. Ha.

-duckyone.

Sweaty boobs and some hail stones to cool them down.

Just saw a Playtex commercial tonight that said, "Friends don't let friends sweat in their bras." Say WHAT? Do they actually listen to what they are saying before these commercials air? I can just imagine people saying, "Hey, friend, I've heard that you're sweating in your bra, and I just can't condone that. Go buy a Playtex bra or I can't be your pal any more." Strange things making it onto TV these days!

But I do have a solution for the ladies out there with a sweaty chest problem. We got the most awful storm today, with pouring rain, scary thunder, crazy winds, tornado sightings, and golf ball sized hail. Those hail stones were awesomely cold in the freakishly warm spring weather we've been having, and those would be AWESOME for cooling you down!

And apparently Nebraska chose not to listen to my nice suggestion about the weather. Stupid Nebraska. It was seriously a weird storm. I saw on the news that the storm was moving at 70 MPH. Can you believe it? That must be why it went from pouring, to no rain but thunder, to pouring rain and hail, to crazy clouds and tornadoes sighted, to pouring rain and hail, to sun and clouds, to crazy pouring rain and small hail, to really windy, back to sunny with white puffy clouds in just over an hour. Didn't seem to bother my husband and kiddo any, but I was freaked out, especially when the sirens went off and we had to go into the basement. I can't wait till we can afford to move to somewhere with less exciting weather. Anyone want to contribute to the "Save Ducky From Crazy Tornado And Corn Infested State of Nebraska" fund? I'm allergic to corn and not too pleased about the existence of tornadoes. Any and all donations accepted! (Ha ha ha!)

-duckyone.

There's a picture of me holding some good sized hailstones. I'm sure there were bigger ones but I wasn't about to go out there for very long. This was just before the tornado sirens went off. Ignore the angle that makes me look like some sort of freak.

And I thought Elmo was the dirtiest...

And here I thought that Elmo was the dirtiest Muppet on Sesame Street (He DID just say, "Elmo's hands are very talented" on Elmo's World on a recent episode), there are definitely other naughty, naughty puppets on the street!

Here's from the same Elmo's World (about hands):
Telly: We're going to play a game.
Baby Bear: A hand game!

Ok, so it turns out it was patty cake, but you tell me that that sounds normal. You can't, can you?

And that monster Murray isn't off the hook either. When he was singing about words that start with the letter U. The song said a bunch and then he stopped on the word underpants. Then he kept repeating underpants and waved a pair of boxer shorts in the air! Is it an innocent childrens song, or is there a Muppet running around somewhere who doesn't have on any skivvies?

Let me tell you, that cute little pink fairy Abby Cadabby is not off the hook either. She may have been egged on by Elmo, but she did poof Gordon (presumably naked) in his bathtub down into the street! And the best part? Elmo kept repeating, "Gordon's the man!" Elmo, stop looking into the tub. That's just vulgar!

Suddenly Oscar the grouch seems like the cleanest one of them all.
-duckyone.

Stupid Nebraska.

Nebraska's weather won't make up it's mind. On May 12th, it snowed. SNOWED. IN MAY. At least it was overnight and melted the next day. Last night, it was warmish and clear, yet there was a Tornado Watch. Today? 85 degrees, sunny, and windy. When will it make up its mind?

And while I am on the topic of weather, could we maybe not have any tornadoes and fun tornado warnings every week on the TV and loud tornado sirens? Last year's scary tornado episode (which involved a tornado heading straight for my work- it went back up into the clouds before it hit us) was enough to freak me out. Though I must say, the scary looking clouds going in two different directions one of top of the other after the tornado was still kinda cool too look at.

I am a New England girl. We don't DO tornadoes. We just don't. I'm not too keen on the 90-100 degree days for months straight in the summer, but at least we have AC and fans. You can get away from the heat. There, unfortunately, is no anti-tornado device. Can't grab an umbrella, snow shovel, or fan to help with that. I suppose I'm not a fan of the whole "Get into the basement and duck and cover" thing. I can understand heading for the lowest level you can get, but if you are going to get tornadoed, no amount of ducking and covering is going to help you. Yikes.

Dear Nebraska,
I will call you Awesome Nebraska instead of Stupid Nebraska if you figure out the weather to my favor. I'm just saying. You can think about it and get back to me.
Love,
-duckyone.

P.S. You smell like corn. You might want to do something about that. Maybe some deodorant.

Are you a Twitter addict?

I have a newfound love for Twitter. It's an easy way to see what's going on with other people, and to post really short updates or a photo every now and then. My opinion though, is that if I can get a site to work for me, I am all for it. Call me a sellout if you want, but I work part time and have a little girl to raise, and I can use every penny I get! So here are 2 suggestions to maximize the awesomeness of Twitter to your advantage.

1. Say and Win. Tweet your normal stuff, but do it from this site for a chance to win Amazon.com codes! I haven't won yet, but it's run by Publisher's Clearing House, and I've won from their Facebook application before, so I know it's legit. It's an easy way to possibly win a prize for something you already do. And since I'm saving my Amazon.com $$ for Christmas presents, every little bit helps!

2. Sponsored Tweets. Basically, advertisers want people to Tweet ads for them, and that's where you come in. You set your price (at least 10 cents a Tweet), advertiser picks you, you choose which ones you want and you write up your Tweet. Once you get to $50, you can withdraw your earnings. It's really easy, and they notify you by direct message once you are picked for an ad. Requirements: must have had your Twitter account for at least 60 days, have posted at least 100 Tweets, and have at least 50 people following you. Some people think of it as selling out. I think of it as helping my family. Sure, I'd be annoyed if that's all someone Tweeted. I probably wouldn't follow them. But I usually only do a few ads a week, and not more than 2 a day usually. I post plenty of other normal Tweets so I don't flood anyone's Twitter with ads.

So that's it! Two easy ways to get Twitter to work for you! :) It feels too easy, almost like free money.
-duckyone.

What to watch now?

All my favorite reality shows start around the same time. Now they are all over for the season or almost over. First America's Best Dance Crew, then America's Next Top Model, and next week, Dancing With The Stars will be done.

Reality TV is what keeps me sane after a day filled with Sesame Street, stupid Chuggington, and baby babbles. It's nice to have something entertaining to watch that has actual adults on it. I do suppose that now that I either despise every kid show and/or think is is demented and perverted, I really should turn off the tv. Hopefully this summer won't be filled with as many thunderstorms and tornadoes as last year, and me and the wee one can get outside more.

But if anyone has any suggestions of entertaining reality tv, I am open to watching something different. I don't like anything scary or loaded with vulgarity. That basically rules out most stuff on MTV (which is infinitely less entertaining than when I was in high school). My favorite reality shows are more the competition style than the film someone's every waking moment style.

-duckyone.

Pants-ing With The Stars

I wasn't too excited about the semi-finals of Dancing With The Stars tonight. All the people I liked the most have already gone home. But nothing else was on, and my daughter was napping in my lap, so I couldn't reach the remote anyway. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised by some of the dances, especially Evan's. Even Ochocinco surprised me, and most weeks previously I have had him pegged to go home. My favorite dance of the night was Evan's Paso Doble, and after seeing them all, I think Erin might go home, although Ochocinco had the lowest scores of the night.

But the most interesting part to me was the "interesting" was the costumes. What was up with Erin's humongous pant legs so wide that they look like a dress until she goes to kick? And I know Nicole was dancing to a Prince song, thus her crazy getup, but to me, pants on ladies when ballroom dancing just doesn't look good. And this is coming from a girl who wears pants probably 95% of the time.

The other funny part of the evening was when judge Bruno got bleeped out. What the heck did he say? Anyone know? I know I'm not the only one who was wondering either. Jake Pavelka (the Bachelor) was wondering the same thing on his Twitter. I'm sure it was something funny. Bruno always cracks me up. (Len's my favorite though!)

Tomorrow night's elimination should be interesting. I'm not entirely sure who will go home. Also, Miley Cyrus "singing" and dancing in a cage! Should be the official trainwreck portion of the show.

-duckyone.

"Special" Agent Oso

Why am I glad that my daughter always sleeps in? Because I never have to watch Special Agent Oso! I really hope that Oso is his special agent codename, because if he is really named Oso (Spanish for "bear"), then his parents are just as "special" as his is. We're talking the "special ed" variety of special.

Have you ever seen this show? Special Agent Oso is the stupidest bear ever. As someone pointed out to me, he makes Winnie the Pooh look like a rocket scientist! He's also the worst special agent ever. He can't work his gear, and he can't follow simple instructions. He makes Inspector Gadget look like Albert Einstein. Here's how the show goes: He fails his training exercise because he's stupider than a bag of rocks, he gets sent on a special mission to help a kid anyway, the kid manages to figure the problem out mostly on their own but thanks Oso anyway, and then he goes back and takes what the kid just taught him to pass his training. Then he gets a special "digi-medal" to commemorate his "accomplishment." I am thinking his boss only sends digital medals because Oso is not worth the money to make an actual medal.

Oso does have some awesome gear. He's got the talking wrist communicator, complete with annoying singing lady who gives him instructions, and a direct line to his boss. He's got a flying vehicle. He's got a little flying bug robot that finds kids who need help and then alerts him via the wrist thing that he's got a special assignment. And not to mention he gets his medals digitally. He gets to go on land, sea, sky, and even outer space (where he tries to fix a space station and gets tangled up in his air line). With all that fancy, expensive looking gear, you'd expect him to shut down drug rings, stop terrorism, and keep people from getting into the country illegally. But what does he do? Messes up his training and then uses his spiffy agent gear to help kids hula hoop, pack a suitcase, or brush their teeth.

And if that doesn't sound stupid enough to you, each mission has "three special steps." For real now? Does it really take 3 steps to hula hoop? And last I checked, brushing your teeth mainly involves brushing. One whole step. I swear, the steps are given to HIM to make it simpler for HIM, not simpler for the kids who need help.

I want to meet the person who came up with the idea for this show and ask them what on Earth they were thinking. Or perhaps what they were under the influence of. Oso needs to take the short bus back to special ed, and then they can find the smart trainees to do some real missions. There's got to be a cartoon bear out there smarter than Oso, maybe one related to MacGyver. I would totally watch a cartoon bear saving the day by building a rocket made out of a paper clip, chewing gum, and a ballpoint pen.

-duckyone.