Monday, May 17, 2010

"Special" Agent Oso

Why am I glad that my daughter always sleeps in? Because I never have to watch Special Agent Oso! I really hope that Oso is his special agent codename, because if he is really named Oso (Spanish for "bear"), then his parents are just as "special" as his is. We're talking the "special ed" variety of special.

Have you ever seen this show? Special Agent Oso is the stupidest bear ever. As someone pointed out to me, he makes Winnie the Pooh look like a rocket scientist! He's also the worst special agent ever. He can't work his gear, and he can't follow simple instructions. He makes Inspector Gadget look like Albert Einstein. Here's how the show goes: He fails his training exercise because he's stupider than a bag of rocks, he gets sent on a special mission to help a kid anyway, the kid manages to figure the problem out mostly on their own but thanks Oso anyway, and then he goes back and takes what the kid just taught him to pass his training. Then he gets a special "digi-medal" to commemorate his "accomplishment." I am thinking his boss only sends digital medals because Oso is not worth the money to make an actual medal.

Oso does have some awesome gear. He's got the talking wrist communicator, complete with annoying singing lady who gives him instructions, and a direct line to his boss. He's got a flying vehicle. He's got a little flying bug robot that finds kids who need help and then alerts him via the wrist thing that he's got a special assignment. And not to mention he gets his medals digitally. He gets to go on land, sea, sky, and even outer space (where he tries to fix a space station and gets tangled up in his air line). With all that fancy, expensive looking gear, you'd expect him to shut down drug rings, stop terrorism, and keep people from getting into the country illegally. But what does he do? Messes up his training and then uses his spiffy agent gear to help kids hula hoop, pack a suitcase, or brush their teeth.

And if that doesn't sound stupid enough to you, each mission has "three special steps." For real now? Does it really take 3 steps to hula hoop? And last I checked, brushing your teeth mainly involves brushing. One whole step. I swear, the steps are given to HIM to make it simpler for HIM, not simpler for the kids who need help.

I want to meet the person who came up with the idea for this show and ask them what on Earth they were thinking. Or perhaps what they were under the influence of. Oso needs to take the short bus back to special ed, and then they can find the smart trainees to do some real missions. There's got to be a cartoon bear out there smarter than Oso, maybe one related to MacGyver. I would totally watch a cartoon bear saving the day by building a rocket made out of a paper clip, chewing gum, and a ballpoint pen.


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